I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
