the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
