she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
