Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
