You just made me feel so damn special
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
a search helicopter?!
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
