I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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