Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
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