At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
