well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize