after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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