I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
