Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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