News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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