Im at strip club and am horny
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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