Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
