my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
