Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
