she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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