wrigley field is MILF paradise
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
