I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
