i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
