we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
