TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I can't put those talents on a resume
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
