I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
