Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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