Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
