I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
