On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
