It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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