My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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