just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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