omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
