yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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