Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
