Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Found the puke drawer
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
