Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
