ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I could fuck to npr.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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