mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
