Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize
