hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
