VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
