I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
