i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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