Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
