i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
