Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
