Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Idk if I want to put a bra on
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
