I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize