so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
