I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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