just survived the first fart of the relationship.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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