And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
