I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
