we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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