Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
