Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I love you. Go after that dick
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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