I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
