If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
