well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
